Valuing Authenticity Over Appearance

Somewhere along the line, we've acquired the mindset that flaws and struggles within ourselves are something to be ashamed of and hidden away. As a result, we've resorted to only highlighting the positive and the absolute best within our careers, family lives, and personal lives. 

We flood our social media with vacation pictures, engagement announcements, and pictures of our grandchildren without sharing the nights spent alone! We share career accomplishments and promotions without acknowledging the years of struggle it took to get there! We share a highlight reel of our lives with fake filters, and in doing so, we put ourselves in a false light. We fail to appreciate that there's a whole different version of ourselves and versions of our lives that do exist. We hide these sides of ourselves away as if refusing to share them makes it invalid. However, it makes us invalid because we value the appearance of our lives over the authenticity of being true.

Being true acknowledges the full version of yourself, not the bite-sized version. This means we recognize our feelings of unhappiness and discontent to be just as valid as our feelings of happiness and joy. We realize our flaws and shortcomings as areas to be loved, respected, and worthy of being seen rather than hidden. We appreciate our struggles and, yes, even our failures because they made us who we are. All of these things we've become so used to hiding away are, in fact, beautiful! 

The culture that values appearance over authenticity makes us feel invalid and even ashamed for being true. Let's discuss some perpetuations of this cycle, and perhaps in doing so, we can take one step closer to changing the narrative.  

Peacemakers 

The Peacemaker is a role that many women have risen to. Some of us have embodied this role by free will, and others by default or subconscious conditioning. While no one will deny the importance of The Peacemaker, there needs to be a more open discussion on just how draining that narrative is. Not speaking your truth out of fear of disrupting the peace is not being true to your authentic self. Don't forsake your peace for the peace of others. 

The Peacemaker is often too afraid to voice their genuine opinions in business. We pretend to agree instead of making waves - this is untrue. Stand up, take up space. Use your voice and be genuine. In personal relationships, The Peacemaker will disregard their feelings for the sake of protecting someone else's - this is unfair. Stand up for yourself, and speak your truth.

Respect 

If we work twice as hard to get the same level of respect innately given to others, we're that much more likely to cling to things that make us feel or seem respectable. We are conditioned to hide our flaws and failures as if their mere existence makes us less reputable as women, both professionally and personally. They don't make us less respectable; they make us real. Respect your struggles; they haven't made you weaker; they've made you a powerhouse. 

Comparison 

Social media is loaded with the expectation of perfection and curated content. We're constantly being fed the delusional narrative of perfection and forced facilitation of comparing ourselves to others. Despite how easy it is to compare, there is no factual basis for comparison because what you're comparing is invalid! You can't emphasize a curated reel of filtered pictures when you don't know what happens behind the scenes. Disrupt the culture of valuing false content and comparison. Your life is supposed to look different! 

Competition 

Competition is Comparisons evil sibling. Our society perpetuates the notion that we should be competing with each other rather than embracing our sisterhood. If we are in this mindset of competing against each other, we don't give ourselves the freedom to be authentic because any flaw can be used against us. If we're not looking for ways to bring others down, we can focus on lifting each other up. The success of a sisterhood rises upon the shoulders of others. 

If we decide to present ourselves fully and authentically, we disrupt the very culture that makes us feel hidden. So stop breaking yourself into bite-sized pieces. If people can't handle the full version of you, stay whole and let them choke. 

Let us celebrate our shortcomings not just as a space for growth but as a space to be loved. Let us share the failures and the struggles that have made us who we really are, strong. Be true to your feelings and your flaws and find that they are worthy - that you are worthy!